No VH1, I hate the 80's...

Below is a collection of condo interior images from various MLS listings. Despite the avocado-green carpet and textured linen closet doors, you'll notice most of the unit has been stripped of it's 1970's porno vibe and alternatively infected with the decade that gave us leg-warmers. So, if I learned anything from the SATs, it's that Linda Lovelace is to the building's common areas what Traci Lords is to the condo itself.

Foyer with glass block partition. Is that Harold Faltermeyer music I hear?

Wetbar with drywall soffit configured in 1980's geometric fashion. Ugh.

Living Room. Notice the vent above the fireplace near the ceiling. A previous owner compromised the fire barrier surrounding the flue with the intention of recirculating heat back into the unit. It does do that, but it also disperses soot all over the ceiling. Nice.

Living Room. The counter of the wetbar is on the right.

Close-up of fireplace surround made out of plywood and drywall. Because combustible materials should be placed right next to fire. To top it off, there's also recessed lighting fixtures mounted inside the fireplace surround. Why didn't they finish it off by painting it with Sterno?

Kitchen.

Kitchen. There used to be a cooktop with cabinetry underneath where the freestanding range currently resides. It was removed and the cabinets bisected to accommodate the range because the wall ovens were removed to add a washer/dryer combination unit.

Close-up of the washer/dryer unit installed in the void where the wall ovens used to be. Notice the gaping hole above the washer/dryer and the surface mounted waste and supply lines running behind the refrigerator space. Consequently, this would prohibit the refrigerator from being placed against the wall.

Dining room.

Close-up of hideous ceramic tile with 1" lines of what was once white grout.

Bedroom. The avocado-green carpet might be original. Unfortunately, the closet doors didn't fare so well. Oh well, closet doors are overrated anyway, who needs 'em?

I don't have closet doors in the bedroom, but I do have these wicked fancy, textured doors on the linen closet. Yeah, I've got sheet metal doors that were shrouded in burlap and then coated with white enamel paint...Jealous?

Bathroom. Excluding the frightening wallpaper border, the bathroom is surprisingly decent.

Bathroom. The jalousie window in the shower originally had dark brown glass. Yikes.

I am purchasing this condo from the bank who foreclosed upon the previous owner. The pictures above and below are from the MLS listing of the seller who sold the unit to the eventually foreclosed upon previous owner. This sale (the last prior to foreclosure) was for $391,000 in 2006. I cannot believe this dump sold for that amount...especially like this? Wow.

Intro/Common Areas or Why "1970's Porno Condo"?

If you're wondering why this blog is called "1970's Porno Condo," just take a look at the picture above. That's the lobby of the building in which I've just purchased a condominium. Between the polished brass drop ceilings, the smoked glass mirrored walls, the stained oak wall paneling, the exposed brick, the saltillo tile floors and the carpeted walls in the elevators (Yes, carpet on the walls. Just like the interior of your high school janitor's rape van), this place definitely looks like "Deep Throat" could've been filmed here. Sadly, most of this won't survive. The homeowner's association, or HOA, has levied an assessment on all occupants to fund the remodel of all common areas and will ultimately de-porno most of the building. Too bad. What a conversation starter it would've been to lie and say "I live where they shot 'The Devil in Miss Jones'." This building's construction was completed in 1965 and all units were originally apartments. The interior of the common area is permeated with a pseudo-Moroccan-glam style that I guess most would call "Hollywood Regency." This is appropriate as the building was constructed in the sixties and actually resides in Hollywood. But I would beg to differ on the nomenclature. I'd simply call the style "Ass." Seriously, this stuff is UGLY.

The front door above reminds me of the doors to motel rooms where you shudder to think how many tricks have been turned on the very mattress you're sleeping on.

The apartments were converted to condominiums in 1980 and the eighties is the decade that wreaked the most havoc on my particular unit...but that's another post entirely. Here's some more pics from the MLS listing:

Street Entry

Lobby Interior

Atrium. The random potted plants strewn about are hella classy.

WARNING: No lifeguard on duty. Use of pool may result in drowning and/or genital warts.